this therapist was a bust.... we didn't click at all. I got the feeling she was uncomfortable (could have been her nervous laughter) and she seemed to focus on the social aspect and didn't see that there are other things DD is anxious about even though I brought them up. Didn't instill a whole lot of confidence.
Plus... I spent 30 mintues talking about what's going on and brought up DDs obsession with being "only 4" and that this becomes an excuse for everything. Well.... later on in the session the Doc asks DD about Daisy Scouts. She then proceeds to say "OH - so it's like Baby Girl Scouts". Man, if looks could kill.... DD just looked at me and I knew it was a done deal.
*sigh* I hate this.....
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Monday, October 1, 2007
And so it begins.....
Ok – here’s our situation… Warning this is long but I’m hoping that by getting some things down it will help me.
In Feb of this year, DD was having horrible tantrums during the day and completely out of control at night. She was waking in the middle of the night to pee and just could NOT get her panties “right” afterwards. This would send her into a tailspin and she would cry and scream for 20 minutes (great stuff at 2am, huh?). She was also having night terrors. She wasn’t doing any of this at school though.
We took her to see a therapist who sent us to have her evaluated by an OT. The OT found very mild sensory issues around her head but nothing significant and said she didn’t need her services. The psychologist recommended DH and I read “123, Magic” (I got the impressing her underlying assumption was it was our fault). We kind of just slipped away from that lady because both DH and I were a little turned off by her after the first couple of meetings. DD never fell in love with her either. In addition, DD had started sleeping better and her mood improved tremendously so we chalked it up to lack of sleep because of the night terrors.
In April we had DD tested for early entrance to kindergarten. She had an IQ test done and DH and I filled out something and her preschool teachers filled out something. After the grading was done, we met with the psychologist to go over the results. Her IQ is pretty high (99.8 percentile) but what was surprising was that DH and I scored her as being a normal 4 year old girl. Her teachers, however, had a different opinion. The report says “On the C-TRF problem scales, DD’s Total Problems and Externalizing scores were both in the normal range. Her Internalizing score was in the clinical range. Her score on the Anxious/Depressed syndrome was in the borderline clinical range.” Being the fantabulous parents that we are, we chalked THIS up to her having bad teachers (though I did follow up with them and the assured me that she was fine and actually thought they may have graded the survey incorrectly). DD’s teachers her last year of preschool were honestly not great and the one really strong/high-quality teacher they had in that room left to have a baby (and not return) right around the time this test was administered so we also thought some of this was a reaction to that change (we did/do know that DD is slow to warm up to new situations and it takes her longer than the average bear to get in the swing of things after a transition). However, we know now that her teachers were probably starting to see some of this (but were not astute enough to know what it was).
Anyway, she had a good summer and a great first month of school. We were lulled into a false sense of security and thought she was coming into her own and maturing. Weeeelllllll then, the shit hit the fan a couple weeks ago. She started crying (well, that’s an understatement – screaming and running out of the building actually) at drop off. We talked her through this and she got it under control and only sometimes does this now. But then the complaining of a stomach ache every morning and every night before bed (and every time school was mentioned) started. She’s healthy.
Then she got into saying she didn’t like school. Didn’t like it because it’s hard. When we explored this it seemed to boil down to hard because she couldn’t do everything perfectly the first time it was presented to her (major perfectionism). The only concrete thing she said was that sometimes she doesn’t have enough time to finish her page of letters.
She also started fretting about what others thought of her and how she looked. Was her new hairstyle ok or should she take it out because others might think it’s silly (it was 2 ponies because she wanted to look like Sharpay from HSM so nothing other kids don’t wear and nothing outlandish). She also started obsessing about her being “only 4” and every mistake or not perfect thing she did was due to the fact that she’s 4. When I remind her that she’s almost 5 she tells me “but almost 5 is NOT 5”.
Then we started noticing that she wasn’t always talking to her friends. At School Festival 2 girls called for DD to come join them on the climber and she just froze. Couldn’t even look at them. All night she wanted to be on the fringe of their play but would not join in – and wanted me to play with her and the other kids (of course, no other parent was playing). I have to admit DH and I reacted really badly that night… not a high point in either of our parenting or in DD’s life. We ended up carrying her out of the festival screaming – she screamed and cried all the way home (10 minute walk) and then continued to scream at home. We both lost it and screamed right back at her. I still feel horrible about it. Daisy Scouts – not much better…. She spent a good deal of time hanging on me and never participated in anything – she did sit in the circle but wouldn’t sing any of the songs or talk to people (adults or kids) – even though a couple of the girls kept telling her to come sit next to them. Ballet is painful too… this is the teacher she had last year and she even knows one girl already. However, last year the class was 3 girls and this one is 11 – she tells me it’s too big. Saturday she wouldn’t go in the room and I almost brought her back home but she finally decided she’d go in. She never did participate – just stood next to Miss L the entire time. When I give her an out and ask her if she wants to leave she ALWAYS says no.
DH mentioned before school there was one girl who was teasing her about not talking. So on Wednesday (the day I work from home and can drop her off) I asked her if she wanted me to say something like “DD takes a minute to warm up, she’ll talk to you later” if they said anything. She said she’d like that but then went on to say “but yesterday there were some kids I didn’t talk to” when I told her that was ok she said “I wanted to talk to them, but I just couldn’t”. Talk about heartbreaking…. Oh – and on Thursday, the school had a Track A Thon – just the kids walking around the playground to earn money for the school. They were given free water bottles and Italian Ices so it was a fun thing. DD obsessively worried about it because she didn’t know what it was going to be like. Fear of the unknown, anxious going into something where the expectations are a little unclear…
Coincidently, on Friday, DD’s teacher called me about an unrelated matter so I used this phone convo to segue way into what’s been going (everything above) and that we’re meeting with the therapist on Monday (today at 4). She was incredibly receptive and even came up with some things she could try at school. She also said she was going to talk to the social worker and just have her keep an eye on DD. Interestingly, she told me that she is not seeing hardly ANY of these things at school. She said she has seen DD clam up but more and more she’s coming out of her shell with friends and is really starting to bond with some of the girls. She also told me (going back to the letter page thing) that DD is always the first or second child done with their work every day and it’s always right and that she’s at the top of the class (which is pretty huge considering there are children in her room that are more than 14 months older than her). I told the teacher that this didn’t surprise me since her morning is so structured and the expectations are so clear – this is an environment that DD thrives in and she’s able to hold things together really well there. It’s when she gets home that it all falls apart. I do feel better about school now that the teacher is clued in. She really was great and I feel really lucky DD’s in her room.
Anyway, I’ve been meaning to start this for several days now…. Sometimes I just need to step back and take a break from things and not focus on it. I knew writing it all out would be long and hard and I just didn’t want to deal with it on the weekend. The psychologist office we’re taking her to specializes in children and adolescents. It’s actually the same place we had her tested for school so they already have a baseline assessment on her. We’re not going to the same person because that psychologist specializes in testing/assessments and the one the head guy steered us to specializes in anxiety. It’s a woman which is great – I think I would have had a problem had the main psychologist I spoke with recommended a man (DD does better with women). Anyway, he made me feel better and said “we’ve seen this kind of thing before. We can help”.
And so our journey begins……
In Feb of this year, DD was having horrible tantrums during the day and completely out of control at night. She was waking in the middle of the night to pee and just could NOT get her panties “right” afterwards. This would send her into a tailspin and she would cry and scream for 20 minutes (great stuff at 2am, huh?). She was also having night terrors. She wasn’t doing any of this at school though.
We took her to see a therapist who sent us to have her evaluated by an OT. The OT found very mild sensory issues around her head but nothing significant and said she didn’t need her services. The psychologist recommended DH and I read “123, Magic” (I got the impressing her underlying assumption was it was our fault). We kind of just slipped away from that lady because both DH and I were a little turned off by her after the first couple of meetings. DD never fell in love with her either. In addition, DD had started sleeping better and her mood improved tremendously so we chalked it up to lack of sleep because of the night terrors.
In April we had DD tested for early entrance to kindergarten. She had an IQ test done and DH and I filled out something and her preschool teachers filled out something. After the grading was done, we met with the psychologist to go over the results. Her IQ is pretty high (99.8 percentile) but what was surprising was that DH and I scored her as being a normal 4 year old girl. Her teachers, however, had a different opinion. The report says “On the C-TRF problem scales, DD’s Total Problems and Externalizing scores were both in the normal range. Her Internalizing score was in the clinical range. Her score on the Anxious/Depressed syndrome was in the borderline clinical range.” Being the fantabulous parents that we are, we chalked THIS up to her having bad teachers (though I did follow up with them and the assured me that she was fine and actually thought they may have graded the survey incorrectly). DD’s teachers her last year of preschool were honestly not great and the one really strong/high-quality teacher they had in that room left to have a baby (and not return) right around the time this test was administered so we also thought some of this was a reaction to that change (we did/do know that DD is slow to warm up to new situations and it takes her longer than the average bear to get in the swing of things after a transition). However, we know now that her teachers were probably starting to see some of this (but were not astute enough to know what it was).
Anyway, she had a good summer and a great first month of school. We were lulled into a false sense of security and thought she was coming into her own and maturing. Weeeelllllll then, the shit hit the fan a couple weeks ago. She started crying (well, that’s an understatement – screaming and running out of the building actually) at drop off. We talked her through this and she got it under control and only sometimes does this now. But then the complaining of a stomach ache every morning and every night before bed (and every time school was mentioned) started. She’s healthy.
Then she got into saying she didn’t like school. Didn’t like it because it’s hard. When we explored this it seemed to boil down to hard because she couldn’t do everything perfectly the first time it was presented to her (major perfectionism). The only concrete thing she said was that sometimes she doesn’t have enough time to finish her page of letters.
She also started fretting about what others thought of her and how she looked. Was her new hairstyle ok or should she take it out because others might think it’s silly (it was 2 ponies because she wanted to look like Sharpay from HSM so nothing other kids don’t wear and nothing outlandish). She also started obsessing about her being “only 4” and every mistake or not perfect thing she did was due to the fact that she’s 4. When I remind her that she’s almost 5 she tells me “but almost 5 is NOT 5”.
Then we started noticing that she wasn’t always talking to her friends. At School Festival 2 girls called for DD to come join them on the climber and she just froze. Couldn’t even look at them. All night she wanted to be on the fringe of their play but would not join in – and wanted me to play with her and the other kids (of course, no other parent was playing). I have to admit DH and I reacted really badly that night… not a high point in either of our parenting or in DD’s life. We ended up carrying her out of the festival screaming – she screamed and cried all the way home (10 minute walk) and then continued to scream at home. We both lost it and screamed right back at her. I still feel horrible about it. Daisy Scouts – not much better…. She spent a good deal of time hanging on me and never participated in anything – she did sit in the circle but wouldn’t sing any of the songs or talk to people (adults or kids) – even though a couple of the girls kept telling her to come sit next to them. Ballet is painful too… this is the teacher she had last year and she even knows one girl already. However, last year the class was 3 girls and this one is 11 – she tells me it’s too big. Saturday she wouldn’t go in the room and I almost brought her back home but she finally decided she’d go in. She never did participate – just stood next to Miss L the entire time. When I give her an out and ask her if she wants to leave she ALWAYS says no.
DH mentioned before school there was one girl who was teasing her about not talking. So on Wednesday (the day I work from home and can drop her off) I asked her if she wanted me to say something like “DD takes a minute to warm up, she’ll talk to you later” if they said anything. She said she’d like that but then went on to say “but yesterday there were some kids I didn’t talk to” when I told her that was ok she said “I wanted to talk to them, but I just couldn’t”. Talk about heartbreaking…. Oh – and on Thursday, the school had a Track A Thon – just the kids walking around the playground to earn money for the school. They were given free water bottles and Italian Ices so it was a fun thing. DD obsessively worried about it because she didn’t know what it was going to be like. Fear of the unknown, anxious going into something where the expectations are a little unclear…
Coincidently, on Friday, DD’s teacher called me about an unrelated matter so I used this phone convo to segue way into what’s been going (everything above) and that we’re meeting with the therapist on Monday (today at 4). She was incredibly receptive and even came up with some things she could try at school. She also said she was going to talk to the social worker and just have her keep an eye on DD. Interestingly, she told me that she is not seeing hardly ANY of these things at school. She said she has seen DD clam up but more and more she’s coming out of her shell with friends and is really starting to bond with some of the girls. She also told me (going back to the letter page thing) that DD is always the first or second child done with their work every day and it’s always right and that she’s at the top of the class (which is pretty huge considering there are children in her room that are more than 14 months older than her). I told the teacher that this didn’t surprise me since her morning is so structured and the expectations are so clear – this is an environment that DD thrives in and she’s able to hold things together really well there. It’s when she gets home that it all falls apart. I do feel better about school now that the teacher is clued in. She really was great and I feel really lucky DD’s in her room.
Anyway, I’ve been meaning to start this for several days now…. Sometimes I just need to step back and take a break from things and not focus on it. I knew writing it all out would be long and hard and I just didn’t want to deal with it on the weekend. The psychologist office we’re taking her to specializes in children and adolescents. It’s actually the same place we had her tested for school so they already have a baseline assessment on her. We’re not going to the same person because that psychologist specializes in testing/assessments and the one the head guy steered us to specializes in anxiety. It’s a woman which is great – I think I would have had a problem had the main psychologist I spoke with recommended a man (DD does better with women). Anyway, he made me feel better and said “we’ve seen this kind of thing before. We can help”.
And so our journey begins……
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